With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
