I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
