Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
