My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
