I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
