I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
