Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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