Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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