My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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