no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
