I want to make a zoo with you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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