don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
