i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize