i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
