I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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