just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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