No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
