just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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