If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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