Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
