i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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