so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
