I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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