fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
