Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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