god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
