Farmville is her only friend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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