I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
