Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
