Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
