so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
