Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
