And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
