he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
