I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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