I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
