the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
