I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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