Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
