Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
