what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
