We won't sleep together?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
