Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
