Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
