so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
