How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
