i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
