I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
