is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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