It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
